First let me say, that I’m as shocked as anyone that we still celebrate this day. Not that we Dads aren’t worth it, but let’s face it, Father’s Day has never gotten the same respect as Mother’s Day. Not that moms don’t deserve it. Boy, DO they! I’ll be the first to admit it. Maybe they even deserve a little more, you know ’cause of that whole child-birth thing. I’m just saying that there’s a HUGE difference.
I’ve been fortunate that my Father’s Days have been pretty good. But while Moms get lobster on Mother’s Day, dads may get a tie in the shape of a lobster claw for their big day. Hey Dads, get your revenge by wearing that tie to your kids’ college graduations, or weddings! While Moms get flowers, Dad’s get a reminder to pick up flour on the way home. Moms get showered with attention. Dads are lucky if they have time take a shower before they have to start up the grill to cook their own meal. Moms get boxes of fancy candy, dads get a pair of boxers to match our lobster ties. Mother’s Day is also planned WAY ahead of time. How often I’ve heard “Okay, Mother’s Day is in 6 months. What should we do?” as opposed to hearing some kid on the street ask “Hey, Mom, when is Father’s Day again? It’s not on the calendar.” “I think it’s in September,” she answers.
So before you run out to the fancy tie store (aka Wal-Mart) to pick Dad up a tie… Or before you drive for hours to pick up his favorite cologne (also Wal-Mart)… take a few minutes to read this in order to show Dad how little you care. I mean “show Dad that you care a little.”
First: Plan ahead! If you haven’t thought of something yet, you’ve already dropped the ball.
Second: Don’t go for the cliche gift. At least not for Dads. Cliche gifts for Mom are different: Candy, flowers, jewelry… you can get those every year and not feel unloved. But for us it’s underwear, ties, socks … and where do you keep finding colognes like English Leather and Hi Karate anyway? I didn’t know they still even made those! At least Old Spice still makes commercials.
Third: Think about what you’ve given Dad in previous years. Have you ever seen him use any of them? Even ONCE?! If the answer is no, then let’s think outside the box this year. Especially if the box is filled with Hi Karate! Most Dad’s including me have enough cologne to last until we die. In fact, it’s already in my will, that when I go, I want to be doused (while in my coffin) with every unused bottle of cologne that’s in my drawer. Yeah, come view the body now! If you ain’t choked up cause you miss me, you will be by my overwhelming scent of musk. The same goes for bath robes. Personally, I’m not a bath robe-kind kind of guy. Please except it. Same goes for sports jackets. My wardrobe has circled back to when I was eight. I’ve got a suit to wear to a business meeting, a wedding, or to a funeral (or my own while smelling like Musk).
Fourth: Many Dad’s stress out over money, so spending a lot on him actually may have a negative effect. I’m guilty on this one. I’d much rather an inexpensive dinner and the movie of my choice (MY CHOICE) than spending our mortgage on a five-star French restaurant where I still leave hungry. My family knows this about me. Which is good.
Five: Okay, there is no fifth, just read the other four over and over til they sink in.
Okay, so now that I’ve told you what NOT to do, let me tell you what TO do. Start by thinking of who your Dad is. If you don’t know, then make that part of your assignment. Get to know him. As an artist and a big kid, I’d rather get any type or art supply or art book than a sports coat. My wife gave me a Silver Surfer graphic novel once. That impressed me for two reasons. The first was because I really like the Silver Surfer, he was one of my favorite comic book characters. But the biggest thing was that MY WIFE took the time to know that he was one of my favorite characters. She took an interest in something that I was interested in.
One of my favorite Father’s Day gifts of all time (beside the kids themselves) was a scrapbook that she made full of photos of me and the boys. The book started with the ultrasound photos and included pictures of first steps, first haircuts, T-ball … An amazing gift because of WHAT it is, and also the time that she put into it. I keep it over my drawing table and look at it often.
One of my favorite gifts from my kids was when they surprised me with breakfast that they made. Waffles from scratch! Usually I’m the one who does that. I got up early that day and went down in my studio to draw. About 10 a.m., there was a knock on my door and in walk my sons holding a plate of homemade waffles. “Happy Father’s Day!” they said excitedly. This scored points for several reason. The first being the surprise. The others being effort and initiative. I bit into the warm waffles and was immediately overwhelmed by a sensation that I have not often experienced. Partly because of how touched I was, and partly because of the waffles themselves. See what had happened was that the jar of white crystals in the cabinet wasn’t actually sugar, it was salt. And my Father’s day treat contained two full cups of salty goodness. Good times! Sadly, my sons who had worked so hard to surprise me, now were depressed at their seemingly wasted effort. “No, no, they’re good!” I said. “Maybe they’re not sweet, but they’re still good. Like the kind they serve at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. They’re more dinner waffles, that’s all.”
“Really?” they asked excited that maybe their effort wasn’t a total waste of time after all.
So I ate them. Every bite. And they stood there proudly and watched. Each bite filling them with pride. Me too, for the next ten minutes, I was overcome by a warm tingling feeling. Maybe it was because of how grateful I was to have such wonderful sons, or maybe I was feeling my blood pressure rise to dangerous new levels, but the point is, this was time, this was effort, this was planning … this America … was Father’s Day. And weeks later, after I came to from my salt-induced coma, and to this day, it’s one of my fondest memories. The waffles made it a good story, but the salt made it a GREAT story.
Now before you run out to CVS or Walgreen’s to get Dad a discount gift, take a few minutes to think about what I just shared with you and ask yourself the following questions:
1) Is my Dad the type of Dad who will like ________?
2) Will his gift require him to do anything? (put it together, buy it himself, pick it up himself, clean up…)
3) Have I ever bought him anything like this, and if so, did he use that last one?
4) Have I invested any time, or thought, or planning?
5) Is there any part of this that will do him more harm than good? Like spending too much money.
6) Have I sent Jerry Craft a Paypal gift for changing my life and improving my relationship with my Dad?
Remember, it’s not the money that matters (except my PayPal gift), it’s the feeling behind it!
Thanks for reading.
Happy Father’s Day!
This is not a column about how important it is to get kids to read. I’m assuming that if you’ve made it this far, you already know that. It’s not about how our kids are falling behind because many of them don’t like to read. It’s about ways to get them to read. Whenever I do a radio interview or am part of a panel, the thing that surprises my listeners the most is that for most of my early life, I didn’t like to read. And I don’t mean in my Tweens and Teens, I mean even into adulthood. Even after I had already had comic strips and articles published, I still didn’t like to read. Even though I had already started doing school visits, in which one of the most important things that I shared with the kids was how important it was– I didn’t like to read.
After years of trying to get to the root of the problem, I think I’ve discovered the reasons.
- DR. SEUSS: After my early childhood, I never remember any books picking up where Dr. Seuss left off. Books that were entertaining and fun, and made me want to read them on my own.
As I got older, Marvel comics started to fill the void. But past that, there was nothing. For years! And now as an author, I can see why. Many publishers don’t think that teen boys, especially boys of color, read. So they do not put a lot of effort into that market. But what I always ask is, "do you not make books for them because they don’t read?" OR "Is the reason that they don’t read, because you don’t make books for them?" Having published my own books for 15 years, and by also seeing the reactions that kids have with my books as well as the books by fellow authors like David Miller and Ty Jackson, I know that it’s not the case. These are authors, who, like myself, use our own money, and own distribution, in order to produce books that our boys can relate to. It’s hard work, but rewarding. But boy, is it hard!
- MARVEL COMICS: I have to say, that for folks my age, especially the men I know, nothing got us to read like Marvel Comics. Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Silver Surfer, you name it. Each month we knew exactly which issues were coming out. And since they ranged anywhere from 25-75 cents, you could afford to buy them all. Even books like Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy (yeah, that’s a real book!), but how wrong could you go for only a quarter? Stan Lee had as much to do with my vocabulary as any teacher I have ever had. The MACABRE Man-Thing. The UNCANNY X-Men. And every issue was a potential ARMAGEDDON! I had to look those words up in an ancient book called a dictionary just to know what he was talking about.
- BUT TEACHERS HATED COMICS: So as important as comics were to my reading enjoyment, my teachers were there to play the role of Dr. Doom. Lurking in the shadows ready to pounce upon our comic-book contraband and put it in their desk drawer. The one that locked! If you were lucky, you got them back at the end of the day. For some, it was the end of the semester. Some are still waiting.
So not only did they take away our comics, the books they gave us to read were totally uninteresting. Maybe subconsciously, this was starting to shape my opinion that reading should not, or maybe could not be fun. In fact, besides Jonathon Livingston Seagull, I actually couldn’t even name a book that I read in elementary or jr. high school. Personally, I feel that anything that gets kids to read, is a good thing. As a result, I see more and more teachers embracing comics and graphic novels at both a middle-grade level as well as high school and college. People such as Chris Wilson, Michael Bitz and Dr. Katie Monin are doing amazing things.
- I NEVER SAW MY PARENTS READ BOOKS: I saw them read the daily newspapers, I saw them reading magazines, but I never remember seeing them curl up with a good book. So I never thought of doing it myself.
- WHAT I DID READ: As a result of all of this, in my mind, reading was only for information, not for enjoyment. I remember when I worked at Sports Illustrated For Kids, 100% of the books that I read were manuals on how to use computer programs such as Flash, Director and Photoshop. Strangely enough, I really enjoyed them. That was a good thing. But I didn’t read them for enjoyment, I read them to learn.
- SO WHAT CHANGED? Well funny you should ask. One day I checked my email and had a message from a guy named Eric Jerome Dickey telling me he was a fan of my Mama’s Boyz comic strip. After a few emails back and forth, I learned that he was also an author. So we decided to swap books. Having no idea who he was, I had no idea what to expect. I assumed they were small books that he had published himself. A few days later, I opened his package to find two hardcover books: Sister, Sister along with Friends & Lovers. OMG, these were real books! And now I had to read them because I’m sure he’s gonna wanna know what I thought. So I made myself do it. A few pages at a time, while riding the train back and forth to work. And I LOVED them! Go figure.
From there, I decided to start with some of the classic African-American literature that I had always heard folks talk about, but never read. The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Invisible Man … The rest is history.
So, when I had kids of my own, I wanted to make sure that they were readers. I started with reading the Dr. Seuss. And we’re talking almost every single night. Voices, sound effects, the whole works. They loved it. I did, too.
But once they were older, it was important for them to have something that I didn’t have. BRIDGE BOOKS. (I think I just made that term up) What I mean is that they needed books that they wanted to read on their own, before their school started giving them books that they didn’t enjoy. It’s like graduating from a tricycle to training wheels. For my oldest son, I was a bit too late. I could see him starting to lose interest. In fact, I remember being at his school assembly and hearing the teacher ask, "so, kids, do you like to read?" "NO!" my son shouted at the top of his lungs. Much louder that the other kids. See the dad in the back of the room crawling into a little hole? That was me.
One day, I came home and saw him reading. It was a book based on the Bionicle toys. He read the entire thing. Next day, he brought home the sequel. Read that, too. He had found his Bridge Books (Can I trademark that?). From there he discovered Myth-o-Mania, a series of books about Roman and Greek myths by Kate McMullan. And he never looked back. Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the whole Percy Jackson saga.
Now for my younger son, it was much easier. His Bridge Book (registered trademark Jerry Craft) was the Geronimo Stilton series. I think there were 500 of them. Plus since his older brother was now an avid reader, he had his Reading Role Model. I did most of my reading on the MetroNorth trains, so they didn’t see me read, and my wife did her reading once they were asleep. I DID still read to them at night, though, but it’s not the same as them seeing me read on my own.
Well what about comic books, you might ask. Go ahead, ask me, I’ll wait. When they were a bit older, I took them to their first comic book store, just like my Dad did for me. "Now I was the Dad," I thought while humming "the Circle of Life." "Go ahead, get what you like," I said, turning them loose. Let’s see, 10 comics each at almost 4 bucks a pop… EIGHTY DOLLARS?!!!! "Hey, let’s see what’s in the dollar bin!"
One of the books that I remember reading to them was "Holes." The coolest thing about this was that it was the first book we read that they made a movie from. So we were all very excited to go see it. It was really great to talk to them afterwards to see how they thought it compared to the book. What was different. Did they leave out parts? Were the characters how they thought they would be. Get those little brains working!
Another great opportunity is when we take our yearly family roadtrip. Sure, they bring along the DVD player and the video games, I don’t want them to feel like they have to choose, but we also take books on tape. Get them free from the library. The coolest things about books on tape is that we all get to listen at the same time AND although they are not reading it, it’s still a book. And it’s another way to add to the whole "books are fun," theme. When we drove to Texas last summer (see my first blog), we actually had two of them with us. We listened the entire way down AND the whole way back. It was great. I also had them read two of the books that I worked on out loud. Both sons and my wife took turns reading "Who Would Have Thunk It!" and "Khalil’s Way." Awesome experience.
Okay, so with that said, here is my advice for getting kids to read.
- Read to them!
- Read with them!
- Let them see YOU read!
- Help them find books that they WANT to read. Just like they can’t eat unless you keep food in the house, they can’t read unless there are books in the house.
- If there is a movie version, read the book, too!
- Listen to books on tape. Either in the car, or maybe before bed.
- Don’t just give them books and be done with it. Ask them questions about it. Talk to them. Have them read you the best part.
- Don’t judge what they read. Now obviously, you don’t want them to read something that’s inappropriate, but that’s not the same thing. Don’t be like my teachers did and talk about how comic books are stupid. I had a mom email me that her son has read my book "Mama’s Boyz: The Big Picture," over and over. When she found out that this was the third one that I had published, she asked about the other two. I told her that I was sorry and that they were out of print. "You don’t understand," she told me, "my son is reading, I NEED Mama’s Boyz: Home Schoolin’!" (That’s my second book.) Fearing for my life, I went into my closet and sent her one from my secret stash. I understood how important it was to her. She didn’t look at my book and think that since it is a comic book, that it was worthless. What she did realize is that her son is a reluctant reader, and my book had broken through his barrier.
- Here’s a good one: Plug into things that they already are passionate about. For example, my boys are both avid Xbox enthusiasts. So I make sure to get them Game Informer magazine. And I make sure they read it, not just look at the pictures. I ask them questions. "Well why do you think the game will be good?""When does it come out?" "What features did they add to this version that they didn’t have in the last?"
- My youngest son is also a huge basketball fan. So I have him look up game summaries on his phone. "When is Amare’ coming back to the Knicks?" "What good trade rumors are floating around?"
- Show that you want them to read. Two years ago, I shared a booth with Sabrina Carter at Circle of Sisters. I’ve illustrated three of Sabrina’s books, so our table had those, as well as my Mama’s Boyz book and maybe 5 other books that I’ve illustrated. A nice looking family comes over, and the son (who was about 12) turns to his dad while walking towards me and says, "You’ve been buying stuff for the girls all day, can you buy me something?" The dad says, "sure, but you don’t want to go there, all they have are books!" No further comment.
- Even day to day things, like if you’re cooking, have them read the recipes out loud to you. Get it?
So that’s my story. If you have your own suggestions, please feel free to post.
Check out the books I’ve written and/or illustrated: http://www.jerrycraft.net/products.html
Ah, the roadtrip. One of the great bonding experiences you’ll ever have as a parent. Conversations, books on tape, restaurants, cool sites and one teachable experience after another. Just make sure you limit the video game and DVD time. And if you’ve never done it before, leave the 26-hour roadtrips to pros like me.
The drive down to Dallas from CT was about as well as could be expected. A whopping 26 hours with a two-day stop in Charlotte. But that’s a whole ‘nother, less interesting story. It’s the ride back that is the subject of my very first blog ever. Coming home started off fine. I got to attend George Fraser’s PowerNetworking Conference. My wife got to see her cousins. And my two sons (14 and 12 years of age) had a pretty good time, too — Even though they were disappointed that they went all the way to Texas and did not see a single Cowboy or Scorpion. Actually, I was a little disappointed too. But the barbeque did score major points. We stopped at every state to take a photo in the welcome area next to the sign. Well I did. The rest of the fam could care less. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which one of us is the adult and who are the kids. Conversation was great and we made interesting observations like that Tennessee has to be the widest state in the country. It took, like, 12 hours to travel all the way across. And Arkansas needs to remodel their rest stops.
Anyway, shortly after we hit Virginia, Virginia decided to hit back. And she hit back hard. BOOM! We heard. Aw, man, did we really blow a tire at 10 o’clock at night? The good news is that we didn’t. The bad news is we had blown our engine. So first we call our insurance company who promptly found us a towing service. The truck came in about 30-40 minutes. Not bad. “You’ve blown your engine,” he said. Now THAT was bad. Plus, the cabin of his truck only held two folks. There were 4 of us. So he had to call another. After a pow wow, they decided to take us to a town called Staunton (pronounced Stanton — at least that’s how THEY pronounced it). Naturally all service stations were closed, so they decided to take us to a hotel.
Here’s where it started to rain. A downpour. First hotel didn’t have a single vacancy. Second hotel also didn’t have a single vacancy. So we drove, very slowly, to a third hotel. Me and my driver and van in the first truck, my wife and kids in the second following closely behind. No vacancy. Same for the 4th and 5th. It turns out that this town’s power had been knocked out in that really bad storm that we had in late June that covered a lot of places in darkness. So not only did the locals who had lost power flee to any hotel that still had lights and AC, but there were dozens of folks from the power company staying in town.
So for those of you keeping score at home: here’s my Stephen King checklist:
- Unsuspecting family from out-of-town? Check!
- Broken down car? Check!
- Approaching midnight? Check!
- Severe rainstorm? You betcha.
- No hotel vacancies? Wouldn’t be the same without it!
Finally we checked one last hotel. If they didn’t have any rooms, then me, my wife and two sons would have to sleep in our van in the parking lot of a service station.
So as we say good night to each other as we make the seats in the van recline, we took a moment to reflect on the evening. Oh, before they dropped us off there, they took us to the only place in town that was still serving food. The corner Getty station. They boasted a wonderful spread of one last turkey sandwich as well as 3 hot dogs that had been on the grill for so long that the woman behind the counter didn’t have the heart to charge us for. Mmmm that’s good eating. Now when I say that we went to the Getty station and got gas, well, you can draw your own conclusion.
So that was that. My wife, 14-year-old son, 12-year-old son, and myself, in my van; seats reclined; windows cracked just enough to let in air, but not enough for someone to reach through and slit our throats. Don’t think I didn’t think of that. At about 2 am we awoke to a loud scream. My wife was freaking out because apparently her tow-truck driver had told her that a lot of the people there were addicted to “bath salts.” That’s apparently the same thing that that guy was high on when he tried to eat that homeless guy’s face. It was in the news.
- Band of raging homicidal lunatics? Check and MATE!
Now here’s where us dads earn our keep. One of the things about being a dad is that it’s our job to guarantee everyone that everything will be okay. No food? No problem. People fast all the time, just think of it as a spiritual cleansing. Have to sleep in our van? Just think of it as camping in a steel tent on wheels. In the middle of a rainstorm? Ah, what soothing sounds. Plus the rain streaming down my face helped in covering up my tears of hopelessness. See? Every cloud has a silver lining (except of course the storm clouds that knocked out all the power in three states.
Anyway, turned out we did actually survive til morning and were obviously the first ones on line. But were told that they couldn’t order an engine because their Internet was down and even if they COULD, it would take at least 5 days to get the parts and put it all together. So we went to Enterprise to get a car. Yeah, I know “they’ll pick you up,” but we got a ride just to be safe. And guess what, alls they had (and yes, I meant to type “alls”) was a pick-up truck. Now it was bad enough having my wife sleep in our van, and I have to say she did not complain the entire time. I know, I’m just as shocked as you! But now I was supposed to drive her home from VA to CT in a pick-up. Better than having to drive home in Stephen King’s Christine (a movie about a car who kills people) but not much. Apparently the guys from the power company took all the cars, too. They invited us to hang around and hope that someone returned another car. We did. They did.
So we drove home in a Toyota something something. It was very nice. And the good thing is there’s an Enterprise right down the block from my house. I could just drop it off there!
No, I can’t drop it off there, because there is a drop off fee of $1 per mile. So since CT is 422 miles away, that means I would be charged $422 just to return the car down the block from my house in the morning. Believe it or not, I actually SAVED money by keeping the car from Monday all the way until the next Monday, then drove it back down to VA to get my van. My boys came with me. We listened to a great book on tape about vampires. Ate at Waffle House.
So there you have it. My trip back from Texas to Connecticut, by way of Virgina with a stop over in Salem’s Lot. If what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, then I am the Incredible Hulk-Dad!
My van definitely didn’t last forever, but the memories of this trip definitely will.
Thanks for reading!